
This blog has been through many iterations. It's pretty clear looking back over entries that I've had successes and I've had failures. I've spent the last three years learning about the core of my food addiction and weight issues. It's not been an easy road and it isn't over.
My most recent failure happened as I decided to go off sugar back in January. It lasted for a whopping two-ish weeks. Then I descended into an ugly depressive state. I had failed again. My efforts seemed much like a fish yanked out of water who thrashes violently but as time goes on, its efforts become less and less. Each jerk of its body is less violent and lasts for a shorter time. We all know what happens at the end of that story. The fish dies.
About two weeks ago I was running errands, driving my kids to different activities. It was a sunny day and people were out in force, enjoying the relative warmth. I looked out of the window at it all happening and I realized that I didn't feel part of it anymore. Not part of their activities, but part of life in this world. A very strong and very clear thought popped into my head that this was what it felt like to be dying. It was almost as if I was saying goodbye to this world.
I know that sounds very dramatic and I certainly had no plans or even a single thought of wanting to leave this world. I just came to the realization that the path I was on would kill me. Maybe 30 years from now but maybe sooner. At any rate, I was not living the life I should be living. I had ceased to hope anymore.
That was a frightening wake up call for me. I have been spending time over the last few months studying what it means to be healthy based on my religious views in an effort to see through all the hype that surrounds the health/diet industry. There are so many different philosophies out there and everyone claims that they have the truth. I truly believe that there are conspiring men that desire nothing more than to make money off our foolish desire for health. I find myself easily swayed by their arguments.
After that amount of study I have found something that I feel right about. It has been recommended to me by multiple health care professionals in various fields and I've fought it thinking that I somehow knew better than they do. I've finally decided to go for it and today is my 8th day on my new health plan.
I am purposefully not mentioning the details in this post for this reason: One big thing I've learned over the last few months is that there is NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO HEALTH. This is huge for me. We each have different nutritional needs because we each have different bodies. Revolutionary! I can't follow your diet exactly because I am not starting in the same place you are. I have different struggles, different goals and a different genetic makeup.
I encourage everyone to find the thing that is right for you. Do it with study and listen to your inner voice that whispers to you that this is what you need even if it sounds hard/scary. I am following an eating plan that I never thought I could do. I'm doing it and thriving and have no desire to eat the things that are making me sick and fat.
I've added exercise today and I am taking it one day at a time.
There are three things that I want everyone to know. These are the three things that I need to know and remind myself of every day.
#1 - There is a God who loves me and desires my happiness, no, my joy! Every challenge I face brings me closer to Him and gives me greater strength.
#2 - No one can do this work for me. No one can rescue me from myself. No one can lose weight for me, exercise for me, drink water for me, meditate for me. There is no miracle cure that will excuse me from the work that this takes. Even with surgery, I would have to go through all the same steps.
#3 - No one can do it for me...BUT, I am not alone in this. I repeat. I AM NOT ALONE. Every step I take on the treadmill, every time I choose to walk away from foods that make me sick, every ounce of water I drink, I am accompanied by my Savior who suffered not only for my sins, but for my pains. He is by my side, holding my hand and cheering me on. He cares because He loves me unconditionally, simply because I am His. This brings us full circle back to #1.
I invite you to look inside yourself and find the truth of those words in the way it resonates with your heart. Then join me. Believe me, if I can do this...ANYONE CAN! And I believe that I can and will.
~Em




