Finding Renewed Hope

This blog has been through many iterations. It's pretty clear looking back over entries that I've had successes and I've had failures. I've spent the last three years learning about the core of my food addiction and weight issues. It's not been an easy road and it isn't over.

My most recent failure happened as I decided to go off sugar back in January. It lasted for a whopping two-ish weeks. Then I descended into an ugly depressive state. I had failed again. My efforts seemed much like a fish yanked out of water who thrashes violently but as time goes on, its efforts become less and less. Each jerk of its body is less violent and lasts for a shorter time. We all know what happens at the end of that story. The fish dies.

About two weeks ago I was running errands, driving my kids to different activities. It was a sunny day and people were out in force, enjoying the relative warmth. I looked out of the window at it all happening and I realized that I didn't feel part of it anymore. Not part of their activities, but part of life in this world. A very strong and very clear thought popped into my head that this was what it felt like to be dying. It was almost as if I was saying goodbye to this world.

I know that sounds very dramatic and I certainly had no plans or even a single thought of wanting to leave this world. I just came to the realization that the path I was on would kill me. Maybe 30 years from now but maybe sooner. At any rate, I was not living the life I should be living. I had ceased to hope anymore.

That was a frightening wake up call for me. I have been spending time over the last few months studying what it means to be healthy based on my religious views in an effort to see through all the hype that surrounds the health/diet industry. There are so many different philosophies out there and everyone claims that they have the truth. I truly believe that there are conspiring men that desire nothing more than to make money off our foolish desire for health. I find myself easily swayed by their arguments.

After that amount of study I have found something that I feel right about. It has been recommended to me by multiple health care professionals in various fields and I've fought it thinking that I somehow knew better than they do. I've finally decided to go for it and today is my 8th day on my new health plan.

I am purposefully not mentioning the details in this post for this reason: One big thing I've learned over the last few months is that there is NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO HEALTH. This is huge for me. We each have different nutritional needs because we each have different bodies. Revolutionary! I can't follow your diet exactly because I am not starting in the same place you are. I have different struggles, different goals and a different genetic makeup.

I encourage everyone to find the thing that is right for you. Do it with study and listen to your inner voice that whispers to you that this is what you need even if it sounds hard/scary. I am following an eating plan that I never thought I could do. I'm doing it and thriving and have no desire to eat the things that are making me sick and fat.

I've added exercise today and I am taking it one day at a time.

There are three things that I want everyone to know. These are the three things that I need to know and remind myself of every day.

#1 - There is a God who loves me and desires my happiness, no, my joy! Every challenge I face brings me closer to Him and gives me greater strength.
#2 - No one can do this work for me. No one can rescue me from myself. No one can lose weight for me, exercise for me, drink water for me, meditate for me. There is no miracle cure that will excuse me from the work that this takes. Even with surgery, I would have to go through all the same steps.
#3 - No one can do it for me...BUT, I am not alone in this. I repeat. I AM NOT ALONE. Every step I take on the treadmill, every time I choose to walk away from foods that make me sick, every ounce of water I drink, I am accompanied by my Savior who suffered not only for my sins, but for my pains. He is by my side, holding my hand and cheering me on. He cares because He loves me unconditionally, simply because I am His. This brings us full circle back to #1.

I invite you to look inside yourself and find the truth of those words in the way it resonates with your heart. Then join me. Believe me, if I can do this...ANYONE CAN! And I believe that I can and will.

~Em

My Favorite Winter Treat

We have been having the driest winter on record here in Salt Lake City. Hardly any snow at all. Yesterday we finally got a couple of inches of the white stuff and it's put me back in winter mode...unfortunately.

It's no secret that I really dislike winter, and January in particular. This dry weather has been a blessing for me. We've had sun and blue skies and it's been cold, but not bitterly so. I've actually been able to delude myself into thinking that it wasn't really winter after all. Well, that is over, for now at least.

So I am consoling myself, as I have a habit of doing, with chocolate. Only this is a guilt free treat!

Hot Cocoa! Who doesn't love a cup of steaming, creamy, chocolatey goodness? But it has so much sugar in it that I usually get a headache. That hardly fits in with my no-whites lifestyle so I found that this is my solution.

Low-Glycemic Hot Cocoa

1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder (or a little more, depending on how dark you like your cocoa)
1 Tablespoon light agave nectar

Stir together in a mug and add a little water just to make a syrup-like consistency.

Fill mug to the top with skim milk and mix well. Microwave for 1 1/2 minutes or until desired temperature. Enjoy!

Have a great week and stay warm!
~Emily

The Early Bird

This last week has been a bit of a challenge. I've had a lovely head cold (still not quite gone) and I also lost my Great Aunt. She was never married or had children of her own so we were her grandchildren and she was just like a grandmother to me. She was 89 years old and lived a very beautiful life. She is sorely missed but not mourned for. I know she is very happy where she is.

With all of that going on it was a bit of a challenge to maintain healthy choices, though I did manage to do fairly well, all things considered.

One of the things that was hardest was getting my daily exercise in. It's cold here in Salt Lake so I've been playing the Wii Fit but mornings were hard. You know how they go when you have a head cold. It took a while to get moving each day. The problem was that if I waited until later everything got so busy that I just wouldn't do it. I still managed to exercise five days out of the week but it was a struggle and when I finally did get around to it, I didn't really give it my all.

This morning I got up and did my exercise first thing. Wow! What a difference! I feel so energized and mentally awake. I'm sure the continued healing time has helped but there really is a difference when you start out your day with exercise.

What do you do for exercise when it's cold outside? How do you get your heart pumping and your energy up? I'd love to hear your suggestions.

-Emily

Change WRITE now!

I'm participating in a challenge with a lot of other writers who are working toward getting healthier. By very definition a writer is someone who does a lot of sitting and a lot of thinking. That can be a beautiful thing as words get churned out and plot twists get constructed. But it can be a bad thing for the body that is often a neglected appendage of the mind instead of a strong partner.

The great thing about this challenge is that it isn't necessarily a weight loss challenge. It focuses on increasing good behaviors and decreasing bad ones. Everyone sets their own eating plan and chooses a bad habit to eliminate and a good habit to gain. In addition we all work on getting enough sleep, drinking enough water and exercising at least 20 minutes a day. Very doable.

My team and I are getting acquainted and we have a great group. Our team competes with other teams by earning points for each of the above mentioned areas. Great idea, huh?

So, we need some suggestions for a name for our team. We'd love it if it had something to do with writing but not necessary. If you have any ideas, leave them here.

~Emily

The Snacking Solution

One of the hardest things for me is keeping healthy snacks available for my kids. I want them to eat small amounts regularly instead of three large meals. We all know that is the best way for all of us. But with my children being home schooled, that is a lot of work. With a writing career (or at least the desire for one), keeping the books for the shop, working with Knights of Freedom and all of the many tasks that go into being a mother - cooking three meals a day is hard enough, let alone six.

So I am trying a solution that I've learned about from my good friend Brandi. She prepares snack strays for her family and fills them with healthy foods that they are welcome to munch on whenever they feel hungry. This is a great solution to kids constantly asking if they can have this or that food, too. Want a snack? You can have what is on the tray and ONLY what is on the tray. When it's gone, it's gone. In the meantime...enjoy!

There is a freedom about this experience that will help teach all of us, parents and kids alike, to eat until no longer hungry instead of eating until the plate is clean or mom says you're done.

I talked to Adventure Boy about this play yesterday (he's one of the biggest snacking culprits) and we planned certain things to go on the tray for the week. When we got home from the grocery store he was so excited about it that he put yesterdays together mostly himself. It was awesome to see how all the vegetables were just gone!

Here is today's tray. I decided to try a morning and afternoon tray (smaller amounts each time) to cut down on the afternoon starvation. I'd like to eventually get to a point where it's not as new to my children and they begin to space out the snacking on their own.
It contains apple slices (tossed in a little lemon to keep them fresh), yellow bell pepper, cucumbers, mini carrots, cubes of cheese and a nut/raisin mix. Obviously I keep the cheese and nuts in a smaller quantity. Yesterday we had grapes, carrots, nuts, seeds, sugar snap peas and tangerines.

So now a question for you. What are your healthy snacks that your family enjoys? How do you keep snacking from turning to binging? Keep me your best pointers. I can use all the help I can get!

~Emily

Sugar Free Emily

This is not something new. This is my third round with going off all sugar/refined flours. The last two times I've lasted around 4 months each and then I get busy and I start eating prepackaged food or fast food because I'm just so slammed (usually around the time of Knights of Freedom Summit) and then it trickles back in bit by bit until, next thing I know, I'm living on fudge and ginger ale again. Ok, that may be a bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea.

BUT...when I am eating cleanly I FEEL AMAZING! I have energy. I'm not moody. I don't get headaches. My skin and my mind are clear. And here is the big kicker that may be a bit controversial - I feel the Spirit more.

That is a sure sign to me that treating my body well strengthens my spirit. When I take care of my body I feel closer to my Heavenly Father and my heart is more open to His love. That is something that I think we all need.

My children deserve THAT mom. The spiritual, happy, vivacious mom that comes about naturally when I remove that poison from my life.

So today is day 2. I'm shooting for 100 straight days. I've done it before, I know I can do it again. When I get to 100 I'll set the next goal.

In addition to getting off sugar, we are all working on the exercise thing. It's been so unseasonably warm here (almost 50 degrees today) that we have been able to be outside more. We are also playing the Wii Fit more and just all around getting active. Some of my children are jumping into it with both feet but others...well, they're struggling. I understand only too well how hard changes like this can be so bit by bit we'll get there.

Thanks to my great friends and family who are so wonderfully supportive. You mean the world to me!
~Emily

Healthy, Wealthy and Wise

Just like the saying goes, I have a great desire to be improving in the areas of health, finance and wisdom. So, to that end I'm working on crafting my goals for the new year.

Many people hate New Year's resolutions. They see them as grandiose wishes with little real intent behind them. One more determination to lose 50 pounds or never eat chocolate again. We all know how most of those goals turn out.

My view is a little different. First, yes many of those goals will not be achieved but without setting a goal, nothing can ever be achieved. Many of them WILL come to pass. So I'm not only for New Year's resolutions but resolutions of any kind at any time of the year. Second, intent and purpose are everything when setting a goal. Looking at your reasons WHY can make a huge difference in whether or not that goal will be achieved. If you want to lose weight to fit into the perfect dress to impress someone, or to prove something to someone else that is unlikely to carry the strength to truly change your heart. And, as we all know, that is where true change occurs.

So as I am forming my plans for the new year and the new me I want to be, I am considering my deepest desires - my faith, my family, my dearest dreams for the future. It is my hope that I will be able to live with greater purpose in the coming year.

So what are your thoughts on New Year's Resolutions? Love them? Hate them? Fear them? Please share!

~Emily